March 2010
1 post
IF YE ARE PREPARED YE SHALL NOT…
…get to where you’re going on time.
This is not new news, obviously. The bus is slow and ridiculous. We get it.
That’s why when I was headed to a work meeting I left AN HOUR early. Thinking, if all else fails and I get there early I can read or get some work done. Well, everything was looking promising: the bus showed up on time, I had exact change, I didn’t have to sit next to...
February 2010
1 post
LIKE A GAZELLE, BUT DEFINITELY NOT AS FAST
People, you’re in luck. I’m back!!!!
Last week I started a temporary job where it is impossible to park. So, naturally, I did what I do best…grabbed my plastic gazelle head, a baguette, and stood at the bus stop for almost an hour.
True story.
I got the gazelle head from my new job. Its just that awesome.
The bus, still not that awesome.
May 2009
1 post
GIFT OF TONGUES
Remember that one time in the Bible when God decided to confound the language of the people building the Tower of Babel and they all started talking jibberish? Well, sometimes I think God is trying to pull that card again with me and the people on the bus.
I listened to ol’ chatterbox sitting behind me for over a half hour trying to figure out if he was actually speaking another language or...
April 2009
1 post
BUS SKEETCH
A million car fresheners couldn’t solve what years of people skeetch has established on the Seattle metro.
There are certain buses and certain seats in particular that literally just reek of the unkempt, unbathed, un-awesome people who sat there before you.
Being one who believes in hygiene and practices it daily, sniffing into the collar of my jacket is the only thing that saves me at...
March 2009
1 post
WINDOW SEAT
So, sometimes I bus stalk people.
You know, stare at the people singing to themselves in the car next to us, watch people get drenched in bus gutter splashes, laugh at people trying to keep rhythm in the gym step class, and sometimes, just sometimes you can see into peoples houses.
The other day was a good day.
I look over at a house on Roosevelt and all I see is glitter and sequins. Yep,...
February 2009
3 posts
TAKE A SEAT
There are two types of seats on the bus: the perpendicular and the parallel.
Now, you may not think either of those options would be significant, but that’s where you’re wrong.
Lets discuss the parallel. These seats are always in the very front and the very back. If you’re riding the accordion, you will gain 4 additional parallel seat options in the middle. Positive: Front of...
WALK IT OUT
Sometimes I play this game. Well, I don’t know if you would call it a game per se, but I have this rule: If I get to a bus stop and the bus isn’t there, I have to keep walking to the next stop. If the bus is not in viewable distance when I reach the next stop, same thing, keep walking.
Usually the bus catches up within a few blocks or so. Other times, for instance last week, I was at...
METRO MAMMOGRAMS
The following blog may not be suitable for children under the age of 5. And for that matter, it may not be suitable for any human over the age of 5 either.
There are many bus stops that should be avoided at all possible costs. One in particular being the stop next to my house. Not only can you pick up a skeetch burger from the Jack In The Box, but get groceries from the Un-Safeway, burritos 24...
MOUNTAIN VS METRO
Working on a Saturday isn’t ideal, but it happens. But something that almost NEVER happens on a Saturday in Seattle is the sun actually shining. Yes. Sun. Beating down on my face, warmth. My body nearly rejected it.
In honor of this glorious day, I decided to take my hot ride of a mountain bike to the studio on Capitol Hill. (Let me please pause here to tell you that mountain bikes are...
January 2009
6 posts
ROUTE DENIED
Kris Kross said it best in their 1992 hit, “I Missed the Bus” which goes a little like this:
I missed the bus.. I missed the bus.. I went to bed late but I didn’t think late would EFFECT ME Early came around then late wouldn’t LET ME Wake up—WAKE UP—so I can get dressed I guess my body was mad ‘cause I gave it no rest And when I finally did awake it was a quarter to...
ROUTE 43 TO CAPITOL HILL
So, there I was, standing at the corner of Campus Parkway and 15th waiting for my bus, obviously.
Now usually the people on 15th street are fairly normal—one street over, an entirely different story. But on this seemingly typical day I see a guy strutting his way over to the bus stop. (Strut: To walk with pompous bearing; swagger; To display in order to impress others)
To accompany his strut...
ROUTE TRANSFER
I really must give props to the Seattle Metro. You can literally get anywhere in seattle taking the bus; however, at times, in order to get from point A to point B it may take anywhere from 1 to 5 bus transfers. I despise bus transfers. Why? I will tell you.
ONE: With each transfer you can immediately multiply your travel time by 7. So, a trip that normally would take 13 minutes with the addition...
ROUTE 48 NORTH
Me. Slightly sweaty. Wearing all black. On my way home from the University of Washington IMA Fitness Center.
Him. Roughly 60 years old. Face of a mountain man. Long unkempt hair and beard. Definitely not washed in days. Red plaid button up with reinforced elbow patches. Possibly on his way home from a long day of working construction? Wrangling wild animals? Merely escaping bar fights? I was...
KLINGLER VS SEATTLE METRO TRANSIT
2006 November. A questionable decision was made. I sold my Chevy Blazer for some cash, my soul and a bus pass.
These are the stories about my plight.